Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Kyle,

I can't believe it's been a year already. I just want you to know how much you are missed and thought of daily.

Pasadena PD

February 25, 2007

It was so good being with Laurie today. It was also great to see how many people came out to be at your "run" today. We miss you so much and I promise we will never forget you. Love always.

Darcy
Friend

February 24, 2007

ONE YEAR TODAY. I PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY. I HOPE THEY WILL BE AT PEACE.
JOB WELL DONE OFFICER BALLARD. NEVER FORGOTTEN.

MRS BALLARD: THANK YOU FOR THE VERY INSPIRATIONAL REFLECTIONS YOU LEAVE. IT IS WONDERFUL TO HEAR HOW YOUR BOYS ARE GROWING UP. I'M SITTING HERE WIPING AWAY TEARS AFTER READING WHAT ANDREW SAID ABOUT "DADDY BEING GONE, LONG LONG TIME". KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MOM! WE PRAY FOR YOU DAILY.

JIM SWEENEY CIVILIAN NEW JERSEY
A FRIEND TO ALL PEACE OFFICERS

February 24, 2007

Kyle,
This life isn't the same without you...I can't believe its been a year. We still remember you, your smile, your family, and your legacy.

February 24, 2007

May Our Lord wrap His arms especially tightly around your loved ones today .

February 24, 2007

What a beautiful person...inside and out!! I can't imagine the pain of his families. The first 5 pages of
reflections are from his co-workers and family who
knew him intimately and they all said the same thing.
He was a blessing to know! Kyle, you are such a
special person and even though I never met you, I feel
like I know you a little bit and remembering you brings
such warm feelings in a world that can sometimes be
cold and harsh. God bless your sweet family and may
Jesus Himself fill in the gaps until you are reunited in
Him.
Lynn Kole
Washington State

February 24, 2007

Kyle you are so strong, when life tried to put up a wall you were never afraid to climb it and I remember what you used to tell me whenever I felt like I couldn't do it. This song gives me several different feelings; it describes strengths, challenges life gives us, and hope. And in the beginning of it, it reminds me of the pride you had for Ethan, Andrew, and Owen. You had all confidence that they will be healthy, successful, and adaptable grown men. Thank you for all you give us.

Lyrics to 'Welcome to the Black Parade' by My Chemical Romance:

When I was a young boy, my father
Took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up
will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?"
He said, "Will you defeat them, your demons, and
all the non-believers, the plans that they have made?
Because one day, I leave you a phantom to lead you in the summer,
to join the black parade."

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
Through it all the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
When your gone we want you all to know, we'll carry on, carry on.
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it, the anthem won't explain it.

And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Do you fight it to the end
We hear the call to....carry on

We'll carry on
Though your dead and gone, believe me your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated, you're weary widow marches on

And on we carry through the fears
Disappointed faces of your peers
Take a look at me cause
I could not care at all, do or die
You'll never make me
Cause the world will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
Want it all, I'm gonna play this part
Won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm not ashamed
I'm gonna show my scar
Your the chair, for all the broken listen here, because it's only...
I'm just a man
Not a hero
Just a boy, who's meant to sing this song
Just a man, not a hero
I don't care, carry on, we'll carry on
Though your dead and gone, believe me your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated, you're weary widow marches on
We'll carry on...

Laurie Ballard
wife

January 30, 2007

You have such a wonderful smile.I am sure it lights Heaven.

January 8, 2007

Dear Laurie ~

I wanted you to know I was thinking of you during this first holiday season without your wonderful husband. May you have a warm and blessed Christmas and may the New Year bring you hope, peace, renewed faith and new beginnings. God bless.

Warmly ~
Carin E. Sollman
wife of Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

December 20, 2006

I love you, Baby, forever!!!!!

Laurie Ballard
wife

December 9, 2006

We lost touch when my family and I moved away from Monrovia, but I thought of you and Diana a lot. I just wish I had picked up the phone to say hi once in a while. For some reason I was thinking about you and Diana today and found this page. I just couldn't believe it when my sister called me and told me you were gone. You and Diana were such great friends to grow up with. We had a lot of fun on Sombrero!!

Kim
Old friend

November 8, 2006

Hi Laurie,
I have read some of your husbands reflections. My husband was killed almost 10 months ago. Some days are easier than others. My heart breaks for you and your babies. My husband and I have three girls,our youngest is ten. I think one of the hardest things is that I didn't get to say good-bye.
I'll never understand why bad things have to happen to good people.
I'm hope to meet you in Sacramento in May at the Memorial.
Take Care

Diana May wife of Rich May
East Palo Alto Ca. EOW 1/7/06

October 27, 2006

Hi Laurie ~

I just read your reflection on Jesse's page - thank you for writing to me. I've read through your reflections to Kyle and I wish there was some way I could take away your pain, some way to make things better for you and the boys.

I don't know how 19 months has passed without Jesse, I really don't. It sometimes seems like an amazingly long amount of time, but then other times it feels like he was just here. When I think back over things that have happened I often can't remember if Jesse was here for them or not. I hate marking events in our lives with "before or after daddy died", and I hate that as time moves on more and more things are "after". He has missed so much - all of first grade for our daughter, preschool for our son, countless soccer and softball games, getting Savannah's ears pierced, both of them learning to swim by themselves and ride bikes without training wheels.........too many things to even put here. It's all so unfair and wrong. It makes me so angry.

But you are right, Laurie, I AM doing O.K. I get up every day and plod along and do what needs to be done. It's been hard, it's still hard, but some days it's not so hard. I think about Jesse every minute of every day and would give anything - anything - to have him back with us. But the pain in my heart isn't as sharp as it was (and as yours probably still is), it's softer now and more tolerable. Grief comes in waves and the waves knock you over, but I've learned that as time goes on the waves come a little less frequently. I'm learning to have fun again, I have a good family and good friends and I'm trying hard to learn how to live my life without Jesse (we were together for 15 years when he died). It isn't easy but I do believe that, eventually, happiness will come again for me and for you, too. The first year is definetly so hard getting through all the anniversary's and birthdays and holidays - the first Christmas without Jesse was really tough, I am sure it is going to be very difficult for you also. Just do the best you can, Laurie.

We didn't ask for any of this to happen, this is what was given to us and we are all just doing the best we can. Jesse and Kyle know that. We don't have any choices; we were placed on this path and our only option is to travel it. I've come to think of grief as a tunnel, it's dark and cold and it's a place I don't like to be.......but we have to travel through it. And as difficult as it is, it will eventually lead to a place that is sunny and warm and joyful. Eventually our memories will bring us more happiness than pain. Eventually. Try to hang in there, I know some days it seems so hard and you may not believe that you will ever reach the end of the tunnel - but you will. You won't always feel so sad and you won't always cry so much - I can't tell you when it will happen but it will.

I am so glad that you wrote to me. If you'd ever like to talk, Chris Cosgriff (he runs this site) has my email address and my phone number. Feel free to call or write, anytime. Please take care and know that I think of you and your boys often.

Warmly ~
Carin Sollman, surviving spouse
Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

October 25, 2006

Hi Kyle. I saw you in my dreams last night. You were there, we could see touch and hear you. It was unbelievable. I kept hugging you trying to decide if I was dreaming or not, knowing I did not want to wake up if it was. Best dream I've had in a long time. Thank you....now I know you're watching over us.
Mike and Jesse have been working so hard on the dune buggy....it finally runs! Wish you were here to take a ride with them. They miss you too!

Darcy
friend

October 19, 2006

Dear Kyle,

I haunt this and many other web pages, searching for someone or someway to make your absence not real. I know I'm not the only one who does this. I have such a hard time believing that it's been almost 8 months - it still feels like I could pick up the phone at any moment and find you on the other end. You were such a big part of my past, personality, and character that I don't know quite what to do without you. But don't worry. You'll make up for it. When we next meet, you'll have years worth of noogies and wedgies ahead of you. :)

Diana Newport
sister

October 18, 2006

Kyle - Your memory and character continues to serve as a beacon to us.

Mike Korpal
PPD

October 17, 2006

Hey buddy! I'm sitting here thinking about the competition we're going to Monday and wishing you were with us. You are probably the fastest operator I have ever worked with and trained. You had the unique ability to balance intense competition with laughter and fun. You have become a living legend in the unit as we pass on to the newbies how quick and accurate you were. I laugh now that I think I took to calling you "new guy" once you left the unit and went back to patrol. I am grateful that unexpectedly I was able to hang out with you at training the day before the run. Our jokes about the differences between CNT and SWAT that day continue to bring a smile to my face and have helped keep you alive in my memory. Kyle, you would be so incredibly proud of Laurie! She has been and continues to be so strong!! Your boys are an absolute delight. We have been able to hang out and play with them during a couple of our training days. Rest easy brother knowing that your SES family will be there for Laurie and the boys. We will not let the boys forget what kind of man you were! You are missed greatly Kyle!

Laurie, you have been and continue to be such an incredible source of inspiration! May God continue to meet you, comfort you and strengthen you!!

John Mercado
PPD/SES

October 14, 2006

Laurie-
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys. I will say a prayer for you all tonight. So many of us have lost a loved one in a police department that it makes my heart heavy just to think of all of those who are left. I lost one of my closet friends (who I worked with for years) and can not imagine your pain. I just hope you know that you are not alone.
retired P.O. and mom of two

retired, SFPD
friend

October 12, 2006

Baby-I think of you constantly and see a little bit of you everyday! I go places to be distracted from my thoughts, and you are with me. The kids do things that you showed them. They say things you told them. There are so many resemblances in your Brothers when I visit. I try to remember the things we talked about, the beliefs we shared, your viewpoints on life. You had so much figured out, you taught me so much that helps me all the time! I know you would give me the biggest, hardest hug right now...."squeeze me like you mean it" (remember?). You always said the right thing at the right time.

I am trying to continue some things where you left off. This will make you cry, but Andrew has started saying, "My Daddy's been gone- long- long time."!!!!!!!!!!! He doesn't seem disturbed, but more of a matter of fact way. Ethan's been asking if you can come back alive. I tell them that Daddy has been gone a long time and that Mommy misses Daddy and wants Daddy to come back too, but it doesn't happen that way and Daddy is with us in our hearts. Daddy is with God and God needs Daddy. Daddy was always proud of you and loves you very much. Lots of people love you guys. You know, they need to keep hearing that. Tomorrow is the Fair, and I know you'll be there too, I always see a little bit of you everyday! I can't wait for the next time...I love you Kyle.

Laurie Ballard
wife

September 30, 2006

Kyle,

It's been 7 months and I still can't believe you're gone. I just want you and your family to know that you are never far from our thoughts. Rest easy bro, you will never be forgotten

Cpl. Alonzo Wilkins
PPD

September 26, 2006

Sir, I honor your service and your sacrifice. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9.

Daniel
Citizen

August 29, 2006

To Officer Kyle's immediate and PPD family, my deepest and sincerest sympathies. To Kyle, thank you. Although I only assist LAPD with all their traffic needs, I feel like part of their family. So, from our family to your's, God bless you and thank you for your service and dedication. To the Ballard family, and PPD, you are prayed for!

Traffic Officer Tom Williams
City of Los Angeles DOT

August 28, 2006

Kyle,

I cant believe it has been six months since you left. There is not a day that goes by that you are not missed. Laurie is such a wonderful and strong mother to your sons. I know you are so proud of her. There are so many days I want to talk to you about what is going on and get your advice on how to handle a case. You were such a great police officer, a true warrior. The integrity you displayed in all areas of your life is hard to find these days, but we always have your example to remind us of the life we should strive for. Thank you

Juls
Pasadena PD

August 27, 2006

It'll be 6 months on thursday. But yet, I feel like I just saw you yesterday. We still think about you everyday and miss you even more. Your boys are perfect...I can't believe Owen is 1 now! He is a gem. I know you are so proud of all three of them. And I know they are proud of you, just like we are. Love always, truly and forever.

Darcy
Friend

August 21, 2006

It has been six months since you left and I have never
seen your page before. I just read all the reflections and now I am wondering: How does one overcome
such a huge loss? You seemed almost perfect! I'm
sure your loved ones have cried rivers of tears.
Lynn Kole
Washington State

August 20, 2006